Recharge...

So I didn't get a chance to post yesterday because I had a rough evening and ended up going home to "recharge" with some much needed hugs and love from my family. I really don't know why I was so upset by one little event (basically I've been doing a semester long project with an agency mentor and there was a misunderstanding about something in my final case study. I felt like I had let her down, damaged a professional relationship, and misrepresented myself).  I think the main reason I was so emotional was that I  (like the Atkinson side of the family apparently) tend to internalize most of my concerns and stresses. I'm fine about acknowledging the things that stress me out when it comes to school, but I think that I don't allow myself to take the time to recognize the larger things that are actually much more important in the grand scheme of things. I'm am realizing, and reminding myself, that it's completely OK to be scared/concerned/anxious about things and that I don't always have to have everything "together" all the time.

I immediately called my mom after the whole misunderstanding with my agency mentor and in our conversation she reminded me that I really do have a lot of stressful things in my life right now that are OK to talk about and recognize as important. I shrugged it off, saying "I don't have that much, Mom" and she reminded me that although I may not have a ton of papers or projects, I really do have a TON of other things that are huge, much bigger than a single project that will not even matter a year down the line or even a month later for that matter. I'm preparing to move 2 states away in a matter of weeks for an internship in North Carolina, away from my family, friends, boyfriend, professors, and basically everything I've know. I'm graduating in May with a degree, but have absolutely no idea what is in my life plan after that--maybe grad school, hopefully beginning my career, maybe something else. On top of these things, or rather before, I'm trying to find someone to sub-lease my house (I 'm 90% sure I've got someone locked in today though!), packing up ALL my stuff, trying to find out where to put everything, finishing up the semester, and getting ready for the holidays at home with my amazing family.

While I know that all these are good things, it's still a lot to take in.  I know that getting away from the Athens, Georgia that I've always known and trying things out in a completely new city (with family around to guide me) will really test me, but in the end I will be a different, better person because of it. Everyone keeps asking how I'm going to be and how my family is going to be with me living so far away for 4 months. Usually I just respond that I know it's going to be hard for all of us. It's easy to answer that question now, with January and my move in the future, but I honestly don't have any idea of what it will really feel like to make that 5 hour drive away from home.  Like I said before, I am truly thankful for this opportunity to find out who I really am apart from all of my safe, familiar experiences, but I know that it will be a challenge too.

In all of these challenges and good things I know that I have absolutely incredible, amazing, fantastic, indescribably wonderful people that love and trust me. As a dear friend reminded me today when we were talking about all of this, "that's really all that matters." I know that no matter what happens, I have a group of wonderful people in my life that I can call, skype, text, or write to that will encourage me with their love and support. Knowing that I have this amazing "support staff" makes all of the things in front of (and behind) me so much easier. I am truly thankful for all of you. :)